"他没有爸爸, 所以没人教他'信任'"

忘了什么时候

在什么地方

看到了这句话

看到的人也许会觉得

 

嗯

是的

至少对我来说

"信任"

是男人的事情

小时候教你东西的人

不就是老爸老妈

那男人的事情

当然就是老爸教的

 

我知道很一概而论

不过照我的状况

是酱吧

 

.................

.................

.................

 

忘了什么时候

忘了什么原因

老爸罚我上课前不准看电视

 

应该是初一吧

 

刚开始

还蛮听话的

 

可是没过两天

我就开始趁老爸不在

偷偷看

 

就这样

我以为可以躲过老爸的处罚

 

最后

当然还是被揭穿

 

老爸当然很生气

把我训了一顿

记得当时

他还说了关于"信任"的事

他相信我会听他的话

结果我却这样

 

当下

还没有觉得做了什么无可挽回的事

乖乖的让他骂

 

骂完了

他把处罚加重

罚我不能打game

(这相等于要了我的命啊)

 

回想起来

他可以直接罚我不能打game吧

是给我机会吧

 

就这样

过了三个星期

(算得很清楚)

老爸把我叫去房间

又训了一段话

说我的无期徒刑结束了

那个时候

他又说了关于"信任"的事

说我出卖了他的信任

以后不会相信我了

那时候我也没多想

只想着打game

 

但是

接下来的几个星期

他真得让我感觉到

他对我的不信任

具体发生的事

已经忘记了

但是

那种恐惧

那种像是被遗弃了的感觉

我还记得

 

就这样

过了不知多久

几个月?

还是一年

又不知道发生了什么事

老爸又向我训话了

又说了关于"信任"的事

这次

他说

信任一旦被破坏了

很难很难

再建立起来

 

然后

又不知道过了多久

应该是到了高中吧

才渐渐觉得

老爸已经对我恢复信心

 

................

................

................

 

这段经历

让我对"信任"

一再的观察

一再的研究

一再的常识去了解

我想

已经有了一点成绩

 

"信任"

是一段感情的基础

朋友也好

家人也好

恋人也好

 

一旦没有了信任

剩下的

就是名义

什么都没了

 

...............

...............

...............

 

想要跟一个人保持良好关系

最简单的方式

就是信任他

单纯的信任

毫无疑问的信任

问题是

这样做的话

自己会有被出卖的危险

所以

我们会防

先放一点感情下去

尝试一下

如果

对方没有做出任何和对你不利的事情

或者说

放下去的这一点感情

没有浪费掉

或许就可以放多点感情下去

如果对方也对你放入同样的感情

或更多

这个关系

就会更进一步

 

..............

..............

..............

 

信任

是感情的投入

被出卖

是感情的被遗弃

或者说

投入感情的人所投入的感情

和对方所投入的感情

在分量或性质上

出现了偏差

 

真正感情好的两个人

是在投入的感情上

有很好的共识

以至不会有出卖的现象发生

又或者说

如果真的有很好的共识

"出卖"

根本不可能会发生

 

很多人都不清楚这些事吧

所以会有那么多因感情破裂而伤心的人

要感谢老爸

让我去发现这些事

让我发现"信任"的重要性

 

.................

.................

.................

 

还在学习

怎么去衡量别人投入的感情

也在学习

怎么把我投入的感情的分量与性质

表现给对方看

让"出卖"

或"被出卖"

不会在我身上发生

 

..............

..............

..............

 

Happy Father's Day, Pa

I Love You.

 

countless thoughts

END

TED conference

在美国一年一度的活动

很多大公司的老板(google, wiki, virgin)

科学家(james watson, richard dawkins)

艺术家

工程师

企业家

作家

去参加的活动

人数约1000人

 

简单来说

整个活动是一个交流的平台

每年会有很多人上台演讲

全部都录起来

全部都在上面的网址可以找到

 

我已经看了好多

超过五十个了吧

每个平均十五分钟

有的还蛮无聊的

但是

大部分都很棒

 

不多说了

总之

值得去看看

有很多不同的课题

可以选自己有兴趣的来看

艺术

大自然

科技

网络

世界

"创意"

"快乐"

宗教

人类

文化

etc

 

.................

.................

.................

 

最近

nick里面都放

有god的句子

但是

先声明

我

不是基督教徒

不是天主教徒

不是穆斯林

不是佛教徒

不是兴都教徒

不是道教徒

我

没有信仰

这

不是"无神论"

是

"吾神论"

 

...........

...........

...........

 

那些神

和我的神

没有关系

我的神

没那么空闲

还写经文

告诉你怎么做人

 

我不是在批评那些经文的对错

是在批评人们对经文的诠释

 

这些人

用人类有限的智慧

就想了解神.....

什么跟什么

 

当然

我也没资格说神是什么

想要什么

但是

凭什么

你比我有资格?

 

......................

......................

......................

 

"吾神论"

没有反对宗教

因为

我对宗教也不是很了解

但是

我知道

对很多人来说

宗教不单单是信仰

而是一中生存之道

可以应付这个复杂世界的生存之道

一个可以带领他们的东西

 

宗教

是可以让人类团结起来的东西(虽然团结的原因有好有坏)

所以

我不反对宗教(世界上有多少事, 是绝对好的?)

 

.....................

.....................

.....................

 

其实

比较有地位的那几个宗教

都有一个中心思想

"己所不欲,勿施于人"

这也是为什么我不针对宗教

只针对利用神的名义

为所欲为的人

 

那些以神之名

发动冲突的人

有三种可能性

一,

他们其实不相信神

所以不相信神会惩罚他们

二,

无知

而没有真正了解

经文的内容

三,

以上皆是

 

...............

...............

...............

 

发表完毕

看看就好

不用太认真

会看我blog的人

人数不多....

应该也没有热血宗教分子吧

or

热血无神论分子

两个都不好应付啊~~

 

极端主义很麻烦捏~(改天会写极端主义)

 

countless thoughts

END.

Never offer the kind of help that disempowers. Never insist on offering the help you think is needed. Let the person or people in need know all that you have to give -- then listen to what they want; see what they are ready to receive.

 

Offer the help that is wanted. Often, the person or people will say, or exhibit by their behavior, that they just want to be left alone. Despite what you think you'd like to give, leaving them alone might be the Highest Gift you can then offer.

 

If, at a later time, something else is wanted or desired, you will be caused to notice if it is yours to give. If it is, then give it.

 

   --  Neale Donald Walsch (Conversations With God, Book 2)

今天

在email里看到这段字

当下就决定

这本书

我要了!

 

以上这段话

算是我最近学到的东西之一

所以共鸣特别大

我想

里面还有多东西可以让我参考

 

现在正在网上购买中

期待~~期待~~

 

Seeds will be sown, seeds will germinate, saplings will grow, trees will flower, flowers will fruit, fruits will mature.

 

 

很久以前的一首歌

最近常想到

 

不敢说我是诗人

也不敢说我现在爱着哪个人

但是还是想说一说这句歌词

 

..........

..........

..........

 

爱

是一种强烈的感情

诗

是一种感情的抒发

至少我那么认为

 

...........

...........

...........

 

前一阵子,有人抄了我的msn personal message

说很喜欢

虽然那时有点懊恼

可是还蛮开心的

 

还记得那个句子

 

 

 

原本,只是因为不想写得太明白

所以用文字修饰一下,遮掩以下

后来发现

其实这样效果还蛮好的

又可以把想法表现出来

又可以看

别人怎么理解你这堆文字

 

...........

...........

...........

 

我想

文字是有限的

毕竟

它是人发明的

用来描述这个世界的

但是

这个世界有多复杂

至今

没有人真的了解

 

但是

通过想象力

可以给文字更深一层的意思

来描述同样复杂的感情

 

...........

...........

...........

 

感情

简单来说

就是一群化学反应

恨是这样

悲是这样

爱也是这样

 

或许一些人会觉得

这些东西用化学反应来解释

是贬低了它们

 

但是我觉得

并不会

化学物质虽然没有感觉

它的效果却

非常真

我感觉到的

很真

别人感觉到的

对我来说

一样真

 

所以

人的感觉

对我来说

很重要

 

或许也是

最重要

..........

..........

..........

 

要感谢老爸吧

是他教我的

或许不是很明确的跟我说

但是

我从他身上

看到了

人的感觉

是多么贴身的东西

多么私人的东西

多么需要照顾的东西

多么可以影响人的东西

 

(改天讲一讲老爸, 哈哈)

 

...........

...........

...........

 

感觉很重要

我的

你的

一样重要

 

不过呢~~~

这里要发牢骚一下

别人在感觉什么

还真难知道 ~O~

 

不过也不能怎么样呱

如果跟每个人都表明自己对他的感觉

搞不好会天下大乱

我想我是少数可以接受这种坦白程度的呱?

 

讨厌我? 没意见

如果可以说为什么讨厌我,我会感激

 

喜欢我? 很好

是喜欢真正的我,还是你想象中的我? 想清楚

不要到时候让你失望

 

不喜欢我但是觉得我有利用价值,所以跟我做朋友? 都ok

你利用得到我, 算你厉害

要从我身上得到好处, 朋友不是首要的条件

 

有时候朋友还比较好拒绝 哈

 

countless thoughts

END.

唔....

竟然有人说我的文章像tata的....

打击...

 

 

不过呢~

跑去看了一下tata的blog

发现...其实也没那么相似

 

 

好!

就酱

带过

 

..........

..........

..........

 

那人也说...

"应该要更清楚什么是[长大]"

 

[长大]....吗?

其实不知道实际上是什么意思

或许

只是在为我的目的

硬贴上一个标签

而[长大]是最适合的

 

仔细想想

其实我想达到的...并没有和[长大]有直接关系

可能

[长大]是过程之一吧

我想达到的

好像不是[长大]那么简单

 

说到来

其实也不知道[长大]意味着什么

 

是成熟吗?

一直以来有一个想法

幼稚是得到快乐的方法, 却同时容易让人不快乐

不管是对自己或别人

而成熟...是避免人伤心的方法, 虽然它也能让人快乐, 却不是幼稚能给的那种直接,偶尔带点爆发力的快乐

 

如果[长大]是变成熟

那好

我想长大

但是

我不想只变成熟

我也要幼稚点

才能让身边的人

享受最大的快乐

好像很矛盾

可是

是做得到的

 

我做得到

对"没性格"的人来说

这种事

会比较办得到吧

 

.............

.............

.............

 

这两者

要如何拿捏得好

我还在学

 

什么时候该放

该白痴

该不多考虑后果

我想

我大概知道

要学的是

什么时候可以再放点

再白痴点

再不顾后果点

能多接近快乐与伤害的那条界线

就多接近

 

成熟

对我来说

就是"会想"

会考虑一件事对每个受影响的人

的影响

这...

还蛮难的

因为

不一定知道受影响的人是谁

就算知道

也不一定知道是怎么个影响法

就算知道怎么影响

也不一定知道那个人介意的是什么

因为...去管别人不在乎的东西

是浪费时间,浪费力气,浪费精神

如果对方是好人,至少会感激你的付出,不过...好人不是天天遇到的

更何况

如果能把心力集中在真的有关系的事

不是更好吗

 

好人也不能乱当哟~

 

................

................

................

 

思路断了

that's all for now 

 

countless thoughts

END.

又重新捡起我的blog了

这次,对blog有一些想法

这次,决定用华文打

这次,决定用英文写title

 

 

然后..其实我也不知道要怎样

 

........
........
........

华文跟英文,

两个不同的语言

两个不同的场合

或许

也造成了两个不同的我

说英文的我,和说华文的我

 

以前,有朋友叫我在学校讲英文

我想讲...可是...有障碍..很大的障碍

长这么大,第一次体会什么叫"障碍"

 

 

是啊...莫名其妙...

我也莫名其妙

可能因为场景的关系

可能因为对象的关系

我说不出口

 

学校里的我

家里的我

两个不同的我

两个语言的我

或许...我表现出来的我

已经跟我用的语言画上等号了

英文=家里的我

华文=朋友前的我

所以..叫我用英文

就等于叫我把另一个我掏出来

 

 

可能真的是我想太多

也可能是你想得太少

觉得不存在的东西

不代表它真的不存在

觉得存在的东西

也很可能并不存在

都只是"觉得"罢了

现实和想法不能画上等号

很多人......

 

哦.....

 

erm...

...........

...........

...........

 

来到澳洲,

认识了一些朋友

有讲英文的朋友

有讲华文的朋友

有讲英文,偶尔参华文的朋友

跟洋人...讲带点洋腔的英文

 

 

什么跟什么...

我只是觉得用普通的英文

好像在用另外一种语言再跟他们讲话

所以.....

 

 

 

就酱

跟不同的人

说不同的话

虽然做这样的区别

但是...其实他们都听得懂

讲华文英文都行

只是习惯的问题罢了

或许我也还在适应当中吧

很多时候,不知道该讲华文还是英文

因为有些话..英文华文说出来的效果会不一样

很难决定要讲哪一个

看来...

我还不够融会贯通

 

 

懒得跟你说

.........

.........

.........

 

好像...讲完了

不懂重点是什么

就酱

 

countless thoughts

END.

 

"It hurts..."

 

"Well, then snap out of it!"

 

"I can't..."

 

" 'can't' or 'don't want to'?"

 

"Little of both I guess..."

 

"Look at you man...I always thought NOTHING could get you down"

 

"Me neither"

 

"Looks like we were both wrong"

 

"It's just....I didn't really care about those stuff"

 

"Well, can't you NOT care about this?"

 

"What do you think?"

 

"But you'd probably end up with nothing..after all the pain.."

 

"EVERYTHING ends with nothing, you wanna stop doing anything?"

 

"Right....Well, can't you do something about it...?"

 

"I probably could, I just dunno what...I need some answers.."

 

"You've GOT your answer...you just don't wanna accept it..."

 

"sigh...It's just...I haven't done anything yet..., until i've done everything I can, I ain't giving up"

 

"Well, DO something then!"

 

"I might screw up...I can't afford that..."

 

"You probably already screwed up"

 

"All the more I should avoid it happening again"

 

"I can see this conversation going nowhere...So, you gonna torture yourself until....?"

 

"No idea..."

 

"You've totally lost it man..."

 

"Yeah, and I'm talking to you. You think I haven't realised that?"

 

"Huh? I'm no different from the guy in the mirror"

 

"'cept I don't talk to the guy in the mirror"

 

"Right..."

 

 

The beast rages within....It seeks to serve its owner

 

 

 

I've been to 3 philosophy lectures,

but I seem to be unable to make notes.

 

Yesterday(my third lecture), my lecturer said that there are to ways to actually "think"

1 is to think with a pencil in hand, meaning writing.

The other is to talk to other people.

 

So, i have decided to turn my blog into my philosophy lecture notes.

 

On to business.

First of all,

we were supposed to think about "how to guide the fly out of the fly bottle"

You know how insects always fly upwards? That's basically what the fly bottle uses,

the fly flies into the bottle, from the bottom, and keeps trying to fly upwards, when the exit is down.

One guy gave the answer, stop, and go back.

Stop, meaning you have to know that you are going the wrong way,

go back, to find out where exactly the fly bottle is, and when did you fly in, how did you fly in, why did you fly in.

 

My answer is backtrack, trace back every step that led you to the dead end,

probably you will find a new path that doesn't lead you to a dead end.

This sort of reminds me of what you do when you reach a dead end in games, haha.

New benefit of playing games, "teaches philosophy".

 

Another thing i learnt is that to philosophize, you need to question everything,

How you were trained to think, what you were told about the world,

is it all true?

The Matrix, was a very philosophical movie in that sense, at least the first one was,

i didn't watch the rest, so i don't know.

And by throwing all of those beliefs and so-called realities away, you will find yourself "naked", vulnerable.

A phase which i don't think i've experienced, but then again, I never really felt safe and secure all my life, so.....

 

"One cannot study philosophy;

one must learn to philosophize"- Immanuel KANT

 

Pretty happy to hear that, since i don't know many philosophers, much less read their articles.

 

 

 

 

 

Been a while since I last came here.

Partly because I was lazy,

and I just wasn't in the mood.

 

Well, that aside.

I've been watching a fairly new show, "Heroes".

It's mainly about evolution, destiny and stuff like that, my kind of stuff.

So I really like it.

 

It's basically X-men, but more realistic, less sci-fi stuff.

There's some really "graphical" stuff in there,

so it's not really for everyone,

I thought I'd have nightmares from watching it.

 

I've been feelin' really empty since our graduation trip, I have no idea what to do, and I dont feel like doing anything, yet I feel bad for not making use of my time, this is really killing me.

Alot is going through my mind right now, major stuff, trivial stuff... hopefully it will clear up soon.

 

Well, my bros are comin back in a few days, and my big bro's bringing back his girlfriend!! I'm really looking forward to meeting his girlfriend.

Another addition to "I believe...."

 

"Always help others get what they want while you get what you want" or at the VERY VERY VERY least, don't get in their way of getting what they want.

Well, unless what they want involves getting in the way of others who are trying to get what they want, in which case, stop them, by all means.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My lil bro is back today, that is supposed to be a good thing, but.... his friends are staying over for the next 6  days(I think.... and hopefully), which means, no sleeping in my room for the next 6 days.... and schools starting in 2 more days......gonna be tired.... and I have to deal with a dusty stuffy room at the end of that 6 days.

 

Anyway, finished our class' english drama script today, it's quite a serious topic--AIDS, can't think of any funny stuff to put in...too serious... probably the others will have some ideas, so i guess i'll discuss it when school reopens.

 

I came across this word today, and thought i'd check out what it meant, and so i googled it and voila, the first webpage had quite some info on it, some of u might noe aredi, but i thought i'd mention it here anyway.

It seems orz isn't actually a word, it's an emoticon of a figure of a man kneeling down with his hands on the floor, probably despaired or disappointed. There are other variations of it such as on_  ,  or2 etc.

Emoticons r some pretty interesting stuff. wikipedia has lots of info on this

I have created a list "I believe...".Check it out on my homepage.

It's basically some things i have realised along my 16 yrs of life, which may be short, but you can still learn alot if you pay attention.It will serve as a reminder for me and allow me to share it with you.

 

I'm adding my 1st today, "Nothing is done for nothing".

Sounds weird, but i'm no poet or whatever.

Basically it means everything you do will have an effect on you, be it spiritually, physically or mentally, it will be useful, PROVIDED that you get back to what you are supposed to be doing.

Just got back from 3651, abit tired...

1st time sleep so early at 36 gathering, haha... everybody so tired.

I think everybody liked Desaru alot, although i never play with everyone.

But i got to listen to Xiao Yang chit-chat.He is really a good teacher, his reason for coming really very touching leh.... i hear aredi want to cry."你们今年要毕业了，以后也不知道还有没有机会."

36 really gives me a feeling that we are a family, even if we dont talk often, we can still have fun whenever we are together.

S5's gathering was fun too, it's a good start i guess. But whether or not i can feel the same towards S5 like 36, i'm not really sure.But I want to always be there to watch the growth of our relationship.

 

Sanctuary, a great song by Utada Hikaru 宇多田光.

i loved it since the first time i heard it, really nice.Apparently, there is something weird about the lyrics.There is one part of the lyrics sang backwards. 

There is also a Japanese version, Passion.

 

Today we learned about an enzyme called telomerase during bio class, this enzyme basically allows our cells to split infinitely, and as we age, certain cells will lose this enzyme and will eventually not be able to split anymore. When cells in our body slowly stop splitting and die away, we will eventually die too.

So why does our body not continue to produce this enzymes so that we can live longer or even forever?

I think it is  because we NEED to die, if we couldn't die, we need not reproduce, no reproduction means no variation in a species, which means the majority of the species are very alike, so when disaster strikes, threatening the survival of that species, most probably all of them will die. And so we NEED to die to give space to a generation that is more varied.