Feeling kinda down lately, not sure why. Maybe it's all the stuff going on with my life, and my closest friends, most likely, not sure really. Could just be that I'm not getting enough sun, seems lack of sunlight can cause depression, did you know?

Life is so big, so hard to understand. Maybe I don't really need to understand it. But, you know, I just can't help it. The world is such a grim place, so many problems, so many fruitless efforts, so many misguided efforts, so much pain, so much sadness. I might sound pessimistic and all, but you know, when life isn't going smoothly, you can't help but think about all the other bad stuff going on.

Having said that, I feel there's always a deeper meaning to it, all this stuff that is going wrong now, someday, it will end, someday, you will look back, and think, "that was what made me who I am today, that is part of me, and I appreciate all that happened". But you know, right now, I just wanna know, when will it end.

But then again, what is "it" that I'm referring to, I'm not even sure myself, maybe that's why it won't end? I always believe that your decisions decide what happens to you, therefore, the only person responsible for what happens to you, is you. I guess that's why I'm so down. I suck, that's why things don't go smoothly.

Life is really big, I hate it that I can't get a grasp on it. I can't wait, I can't wait for the day that I can finally understand what is all about, I can't wait for the day when I can finally laugh at everything. I know it will come, but I hate that I have to wait.